Quadruple Rainbow!!!!!!!!

Rainbows are a beautiful sight to behold. Did you hear about the recent double double rainbow? It took place IN New York after a lot of rain, and one lucky lady broke the internet with the gorgeous picture. Here’s a link to a story on it: http://www.cnn.com/2015/04/21/us/new-york-quadruple-rainbow/. The thing about rainbows, a beautiful sight to behold full of lore and mystery, is that they come out after rain and storms, when the sun is trying to shine through. So that’s not the scientific way to explain a rainbow, but it’s the gist. Dolly Parton speaks of this as evidenced below:

Maybe it’s that she’s an artist, a great one at that, but she gets it. There is a duality in life, maybe self imposed, but it exists. There is not an appreciation for the light until you’ve been in the dark. There’s no rainbow, without rain. There’s a far greater acceptance of the warm summer days if the winter months have been cold. As is with health and weight loss. If the last four years taught me anything, it is to appreciate good health when I have it, and work as hard as I can to keep it. I absolutely hate that every morsel I put in my mouth has to be verified gluten free, checked for any possible cross contamination, questions must be asked of the host at parties…basically there is no joy in eating anymore. I am learning that food is for fuel, we should all eat like that, but we don’t. I see commercials, tv shows, movies, Facebook posts, friends, all eating anything they want without a care or concern. It hurts me, I long for that freedom. But, if I didn’t ask all of the questions, look at websites, Google everything, read label after label after label, I would be in the storm. This reality is actually my rainbow, daresay my quadruple rainbow. I am experiencing health now that I never dreamed possible in the storm of the 2011-2014 (January to December). The sun peeked through the clouds and rain and the brightest rainbow appeared.

What storm are you facing? What steps can you do to let the sun in? How can you make your rainbow shine?

Keep workin’ your plan, you’re worth it!

3 Tier Path to Weight Loss

To lose weight, we must eat healthy food.  We must workout and lead an active life.  Both will fuel your emotions and you.

If our emotions are in check, we will have more desire to eat well and lead an active life thus leading to weight loss.

If we are active, we will be more prone to positive emotions and to eat healthier food, thus leading to weight loss.

IMAGINE A PRETTY PICTURE SHOWING THIS ALL TOGETHER ; )

Wow, I feel like I’ve lied to you all. My last post, 5 weeks ago, was about Never Giving Up! Apparently, I needed to listen to Mr. Churchill a bit more. I have NOT given up, but I’ve given in a few times. In fact, the whole quote is, “When you are going through hell, keep on going. Never never never give up.”– Winston Churchill. As my body seems to always do, it got sick again. I’m not going through hell, maybe just in the suburbs. J I finally asked my doc if this is what I am to expect with the plethora of diseases I have, and he said for the time being most likely. The more I work to get healthier, the healthier I will become, the less likely I am to have relapses. Common sense, huh? Well, I had to hear it from him.

We are all guilty of self-talk, admit it. You talk to yourself, don’t you? I say I am talking to my animals, but I admit, I think out loud. Yeah, that’s what I’m doing. Self-talk can be positive or negative, it’s your choice. I knew what my doctor said, I’d said it to myself, but I needed someone to reassure me. I know what I need to do, why I am doing it, and what I want at the “end”. But, I need support. To get that support, I now have two health coaches, one in person and email, one email and phone. I am utilizing a program through work (Humana Vitality) to log achievements, work on goals, do wellness checks and courses…I was required to hit Silver Status (before 8/31/15) to stay on my Wellness insurance plan next year, I hit Platinum Status in March. Platinum is as high as one can go, although points can still be earned. Some coworkers are thinking they will never hit silver, I’m trying to help them see it is possible.

I had set a goal to reduce my A1c to below 7, this is a 3 month indicator of what my diabetes looks like in my body. I had been 7.4 or 7.6 in December, by March I was 6.5 (on the line of diabetic and pre-diabetic). That earned me almost 4000 points and put me past Silver Status. Sure, my coworkers may not have this availability for these points, but good for them that they don’t have diabetes or it’s under control. I have a goal to reduce my blood pressure for which I am working on a course to help me. I am working on two other courses to get fit and get lean. Some of these will earn me points to buy more things, some will not. I just turned in more points and got a $25 Target giftcard!  Wahoo!

Has my food and activity been stellar the last couple of weeks? No. Have I given up? Hell no!  I began a part time job a few weeks ago, something I wanted for a while. The job, not just the extra income. I wish I could say I was used to the new schedule by now, but I can’t. I work at least two evenings a week, and most of every Sunday. That’s three days I used to have to complete meal prep, chores, social activities. I am having to trade in my priorities, and figure out how all of my old priorities can mingle with my new priorities. On top of this, I am fostering a momma dog and her puppy, both available for adoption soon. Life is crazy busy and I have to continue to put myself first, if I want to feel well enough to get through life and enjoy it. My health has felt worse these last couple of weeks, I know partly because of not eating 100% clean.

My in person Health Coach Jenna asked me yesterday if she could submit my name to our personnel division as a testimonial for the work wellness program. She’s been trying to help me see all the good I have done in order to help me stay on track. It wasn’t until she laid it all out in black and white that I saw all that I have accomplished, mostly in a very short time. Guess what, my food has been better since I read this. I signed the release form today, hopefully this will become a reality. Am I to my goal? No. Am I perfect? No. But I am trying!!!!!!!!!!

I leave you with some quotes that may help you on your journey.

Never give up on something that you can’t go a day without thinking about. Sir Winston Churchill

“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” Albert Einstein

“Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising which tempt you to believe that your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Don’t be discouraged. It’s often the last key in the bunch that opens the lock.” Author Unknown

“Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts.” Author Unknown

“It does not matter how slowly you go so long as you do not stop.” Confucius

“Never give up, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” Harriet Stowe

“Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” Thomas Edison

“People are always blaming circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get ahead in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, make them.” George Bernard Shaw

“Sometimes adversity is what you need to face in order to become successful.” Zig Zigla

“When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Courage doesn’t always roar, sometimes it’s the quiet voice at the end of the day whispering ‘I will try again tomorrow’.” Mary Anne Radmacher

 “The day you give up on your dreams is the day you give up on yourself.”– Author Unknown

“When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place.” Author Unknown

And last but not least, remember this: 

“Don’t let the fear of the time it will take to accomplish something stand in the way of your doing it. The time will pass anyway; we might just as well put that passing time to the best possible use.”  Earl Nightingale

Quotes found at http://www.keepinspiring.me/quotes-about-not-giving-up-staying-strong/#ixzz3UwfsI81M

Keep workin' your plan, you're worth it!

Don't give up!

This is my new mantra, thanks to Mr. Churchill. I broke out my scale for the January weigh-in, and should have just put it right back. I've been weighing myself every few days and I am up from the 1/31 weigh-in. It has me so frustrated. I have to remember that weight loss is only 1 piece of the puzzle.

Puzzles...I love puzzles.  We have the Lunchtime Linkers here at work, a group of 4-6 that do puzzles on our breaks.  We have done upwards of 30 puzzles in the last year.  We glue and hang a few, others we pass on to be enjoyed elsewhere, and a few that were mine made it home and are hanging in my home.

Wait...what was I talking about? Oh that's right, weight being one piece of the puzzle.  I did digress, but let me do so again.  The first puzzle we did was a Downton Abbey cast image, and one piece was lost.  The piece was in the sky and that was a really challenging section. I was already frustrated at this point, this was my first real puzzle and I was quickly learning to appreciate I was not born with an innate ability to complete puzzles quickly and easily. We contacted the maker and they sent us the piece, along with 999 more. We searched for that one piece, found it out of 1000 and went to put it in the puzzle. The piece didn't fit. Talk about mad!!!!!!!! Luckily, one of the Linkers took it home and completed it for us, the cut and dye was different between the two. That puzzle proudly hangs in my dining room and I remember how we all persevered and never gave up on that one, and how with the help of others I accomplished something I wasn't sure I could do.

January was a fun month, full of challenges and lots of learning about the Paleo diet. I was active with a group of ladies on an online Facebook community, with daily posts and encouragement. Many of us are still doing Paleo, but the Whole30 element isn't there anymore. One of the things you learn in the Whole30 is not to weigh yourself, for this journey is about so much more than weight loss. I need to lose between 85-103 pounds, depending on where I end up happiest with my body. 103 will get me back to my former weight when I was a Weight Watchers leader. 85 will get me into the top of my range according to my height. Needless to say, I want that number to go down, not up. I examined my diet last weekend when I saw a 2 pound gain. I realized I had been eating a Lara Bar a day, and some nuts. I cut back on both of those. I had been drinking a buttered coffee a day, most days. I have only had 2 this week. I wasn't eating as many vegetables, I have had more each and every day today, sometimes 2 or more salads a day. I knew there were things I could change.

I weighed this morning and I am up even more. I began to question if I wasn't eating enough, if my body was going into starvation mode. I am beginning to obsess, if you haven't figured this out already.

My scale is going in my hall closet tonight. I do not want it tempting me, calling my name. The key things I need to remember are:

My inches are going down, so I am losing fat

My A1C is 6.5, almost in pre-diabetes range!!!!!

My clothes are getting looser

My healthy eating habits are rooted and natural now

My cravings are non-existent for foods that are not healthy

My doctor told me I look happy and my skin is clearing up

I am standing so much taller that I am now hitting my head on signage in the grocery store

...All good things. Weight is just the relationship you hold to gravity at that moment in time, the key for me, and anyone really, is to build a healthy lifestyle that is attainable and sustainable. That is what I am doing and what I vow to focus on. I will allow myself to weigh in the last of every month, no more. I pledge this to you all now!

Go find your puzzle pieces, put your puzzle together! And remember, Never never never give up!

Keep workin' your plan, you're worth it!

Where have I been?

Boy it has been a while since I posted an update.  I can definitely see that this blog, whether anyone is reading it or not, is integral to my journey to wellness.  Not posting, not having this extra piece of accountability, has affected my program.  I finished the first Whole30 on 1/30, losing 18 pounds and 8+ inches.  I felt great.  The last two weeks, I have slipped a couple times.  The last time was this past weekend, a baked potato with cheese and sour cream.  I was sick almost instantly, my day out with a friend was changed and I hated my friend having to experience this.  I had spoken out loud to my friend that I feel I have to have the option to enjoy a non-Paleo meal from time to time, I can't do Paleo every day of my life.  My body decided that can't be the case.  I have to live the Paleo diet, or I will be sick and have little to no social life.

And I have been extra tired and even a mild case of the flu in the last 2 weeks.  Correlation?  I know so!

My parents are both dealing with some health issues, upwards of major.  I've been more on the run with them, and my food prep has dwindled, my veggie consumption has lessened. I can eat a chicken breast on the run, I just don't always plan for that. I have been making a conscious effort this week to increase my vegetable intake, more fruit but not too much (1 serving a day). I tried a new to me recipe for baked cauliflower mash last night.  It was quite tasty and I will link below.  It's the little actions that add up.

I saw a doctor today and we chatted about my blog and diet.  I was so touched that she has taken the time to read this, as this is so much more than just putting thoughts out there.  This is therapy for me, I hope so for you too.  This is a journey that I am taking very seriously.  I am taking my health in my firmly clasped hands and I am not letting it loose.  I refuse to go back to where I was that got me to the Cleveland Clinic.  I refuse to allow myself to continue to get worse, as I have allowed myself for the last 4 years. The thing is, I railed against no diagnosis, no explanation for my illness. Yet I was not doing all I could do to get better. The diagnosis doesn't matter anymore. All that matters is health, strength and longevity.

I had been walking but that has been suspended for a time.  My shins are raging from muscle atrophy post surgery.  I need to ice and massage for a bit to get them to a lower level of pain.  My left ankle is inflamed and got a steroid shot today, that will help a lot.  My hope is another week and I will be back out there pounding the pavement.

I am off my meds now!!!!!!!! I am able to tolerate the aches and pains that haven't healed yet. I wake up refreshed every morning, even with 6-7 hours sleep.  My body rhythms are in sync.  I definitely feel and trust that this can and will be my life, and it will provide a GREAT life!

Thanks for reading and I hope you find some inspiration here to make the changes you need.  I highly recommend the Paleo diet if you have any health issues at all.

http://paleoporn.net/cauliflower-casserole/

Keep workin' your plan, you're worth it!

Meg

I made hard "baked" eggs!!!!!!!!!

I love hard boiled eggs, but never know why they don't always turn out right.  Well, I think I found the way to perfect eggs.

Preheat your oven to 325 degrees, place eggs in a muffin pan.  Bake for 25 minutes.  See, easy peasy.  325 for 25!

These eggs are fresh from a local farm...yum!!!!!!!

Place in an ice bath to cool, mine just took a few minutes.  The egg peeled perfectly!  You will likely get a few brown spots from where the egg touched the pan, that's ok.  I've had the hardest time with eggs peeling lately, I was so happy this peeled so well.

And here's proof positive it works.  Beautiful local hard "baked" egg!

Keep workin' your plan, you're worth it!

I am struggling to title this post, so I am deciding not to do so.  I'm learning that everything doesn't have to be labeled, categorized or planned.  When I began my Whole30, I had to know exactly what I had and prepped way too much food.  I ate it, it was all healthy, but I had to ensure I wouldn't slip.  I felt like I was bringing my kitchen with me everyday.  I still bring quite a bit to work, well it seems like a lot.  I have realized I use containers 2-3 times as big as they need to be, so I will be buying new and smaller containers.  27 days into this journey, I have realized that I know what I'm doing, I can whip up a yummy compliant meal in no time.  Tonight, I am having scallopini chicken breast with a mango cilantro relish.  I will create the relish from scratch, on the fly.  I will likely get a head of cauliflower on the way home to make "rice" as a side.

I've been watching a lot of Top Chef on Hulu.  While I am no where near that caliber, like light years away, I do take solace in knowing that I do a Quickfire Challenge virtually every night in my kitchen.  I wish I could serve a few of my dishes to Chef Colicchio.  He'd probably trash them, but it would be fun.  Just once.  I'm also gleaming many ideas from their dishes, and learning some new ingredients I would like to try.  I really want to try Sea Urchin.

Life is much like this title-less post, it exists but is not always defined.  Paths exists that can be followed, but there are no signs to tell you which to choose.  Sometimes you just have to trust your gut and take a step in any direction and hope it is the right one.  Scratch that, a good and beneficial path.  There is no one right way to get where you need to get in this sort of journey.  All paths, even if they seem to end in failure, are worth it.  You can learn something from everything you do in life. You may not get to your goal, but the experience will help guide you in the future, on your next step to wellness.

I have had a setback, a path I choose was not the right path.  I have small fiber neuropathy, it is a side effect of a couple medical conditions I am working to heal.  It results, in me, in tingling and numbness in weird places unlike typical diabetic neuropathy.  Mine manifests in my eyes and around the eyes, around the lips and top of my head.  I started feeling the twinges a few days back, and the worst manifestation I get, I got.  I get so sick in my intestines that it is as if I have the stomach flu. The last 2 days have been horrid.  The path I choose was to stop all my meds on 1/1/15 when I started this journey to wellness, the Whole30.  I knew several of my meds had side effects that were making me feel worse as I was told by one of my specialists.   I told all the doctors I have seen, and assured them I would go back on meds if needed.  Well, I started back on my nerve medication yesterday.  I already feel less nerve issues, although it causing drowsiness.  I have no idea how this will affect my weight loss, but I need to not have the nerve issues.

So, choose a path, any path.  See where it leads you.  If it doesn't feel right, choose the next path you come across.  You may get discouraged, I sure was when the nerve issues reappeared.  It's ok,,,life will improve.  I have learned so much in my journey to wellness, even though it hasn't been long, and I am finally seeing that I don't have to worry about everything that hurts or twinges.  I recognize the symptoms and I take the appropriate steps that I have in my power to correct the issue.

Schew, enough of therapy!  So, this morning I whipped up a batch of homemade Paleo Mayo.  I prayed to the Paleo gods to help get it right, I have 4 fails in a month.  That equates to at least 15 dollars in oil.  They heard my plea and gave me a delicious reward.  The recipe was:

one large or extra large egg
1 C light olive oil (not extra virgin)
juice of half a lime
a generous pinch of salt.

Put all in a container not much wider than an immersion blender and blend on high.  In about 30 seconds, you should have gorgeous, creamy, smooth nectar of the Paleo gods.  I used just under a cup of oil because I used a large egg.  There are so many things you can do with Paleo mayo.  Try it.  Have fun.  I'll post links for variations in a day or two.

Here is my lunch today, using my homemade ketchup pickles and mayo.  I keep my George Foreman grill at work and cook up meat here sometimes.  This is one path I have taken, and it works.  It relieves stress and worry about what I will eat, or if I run out of time at home to cook the night before.  And I get so many comments from my coworkers about how they should hire me to cook for them.  Nice stroke of the ego never hurts.  :)  Oh, yes my mayo is in an old Talenti Gelato cup.  You know what, I think I like it more than the gelato.  I could seriously sit and eat the whole batch of mayo, it is sooooooooo good!

Keep workin' your plan, you're worth it!

Can a walk fix anything?

I learned today that my favorite tea, Sweet & Spicy by Good Earth, contains Stevia.  Stevia is not allowed on Paleo, and it has always given my body fits anyway.  I savor each package of their tea, as it is over $4 for about 20 bags.  While I will be saving money, I am already missing the tea.

I was so bummed (I know, grow up Meg it's just tea), I had to do something.  I immediately craved a pop or something sweet.  See, cravings aren't about food, they're emotions.  I went for a walk on my 15 minute break.  It's a cool 30° here in Indy, so it was a chilly walk, especially since I didn't have a hat, gloves, scarf or coat.  I just wore a fleece pullover today.  It felt great.  My foot is twinging due to post-surgical swelling, but it felt better the more I moved.  I walked about 13 minutes, but I walked.  I came back and had a clementine.  I was satisfied.  I'm still missing the tea, it's soooooooo dang good.

I can thank a fellow foster cat mom, Cathy, for the nudge.  I met her today while we were both dropping off kittens for adoption.  We were both near tears, it's always the hardest part of fostering, but she reminded me to get my steps.  I saw my health coach on the 14th, I committed to an average of 4000 steps a day.  I'm now over 5000 a day on average!  Nothing feels better than hitting goals you've set for yourself, and surpassing them!

What goal(s) do you have for yourself?
What can you do to meet this?
Have you considered if your goal is achievable?
How can I help you meet your goal?

Get out and move!  Cool air feels great when you move, you don't get as overheated.

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

Meg

106!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's gettin' hot in here!  ;)  No, I don't have a killer temp, that's my blood sugar this morning!  Yesterday it was 109!  This is without meds, and all through food and lifestyle.  To say I am excited would be an understatement.  I am ECSTATIC!

I had a follow up appointment with my rheumatologist this morning to get the results of my lip biopsy.  She was testing for Sjogrens disease, which would explain a lot of my symptoms over the past four years.  The biopsy could show the disease, but the antibodies do not.  I have symptoms that show it too, but again the antibodies do not.  Yes I would like to name what is wrong inside, but I am changing my body through food and lifestyle.  So, I can accept that I might have it, and I am okay with that.  The diagnosis doesn't matter anymore.  What matters is getting well.

My doc suggested I follow the Paleo diet, as there is anecdotal evidence it can help an individual such as myself, with my degree of illness.  How cool is it that a doc doesn't shove a pill, but instead suggests to heal through diet?!?!  She's a keeper!

I am seeing little signs of change, sometimes big signs!  I bought a half gallon of apple cider from a local orchard last week.  It's still in my fridge, partially consumed.  I have always loved this cider and would have been able to drink a gallon in a few days, just by myself.  I did not turn into the big yellow M to get a regular Coke the other day (I was driving home from having a cat put to sleep and was in tears).  I am not snacking near as much as I was 20 days ago.  I am eating enough to fuel my body.  I am increasing my daily steps. ... I could go on.

The old addage is it takes 21 days to solidify a habit.  There is new evidence that it takes longer than that.  If the old addage is true, then I am good to go!  Today is Day 21 of my Whole30!  Yeah baby!!!!!!!

Here is my lunch the other day.  So yummy!  Fresh field greens )locally grown), grapes, macadamia nuts, avocado and homemade balsamic dressing.  I couldn't even finish it.  In years past, I would eat dinner plate salads, full of veggies, fruit, cheese and meat.  The topping to lettuce ratio was insane.  The full fat ranch (Hidden Valley of course) to topping ratio was insane!  You get where I'm going, right?  This is proof of change.  I need a much smaller amount of food to satisfy and fuel, because I am eating the right foods to fuel my body.  I'm getting the nutrients needed, so my body isn't craving foods, sending signals to keep eating.

Yeah, I am a new person, but a greater version of myself!

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

Meg

Getting out...exploring!

Wednesday evening I went to a cooking class.  To my happy surprise, it was a Paleo cooking class (that's my food plan).  I know the gal on the far left from  my days as an official in roller derby, and have enjoyed her journey to wellness.  "A" is an inspiration, and a friend.  Such a sweet lady!  Her friends were delightful and we all crammed around a table meant for 4-5.  We laughed, I spilled about $5 worth of whole peppercorns (we laughed more), we spent lots on vinegars and oils, and I think I may have at least one new friend.  Great night!

Unfortunately, the kitchen there is shared and I got glutened from cross contamination.  I worked Thursday but was quite sick, had to stay home today due to severe pain.  I've had to restrict my food a bit to let my system rest, which has led to insane carb cravings!  And I REALLY want a Coca Cola.  I did give in and had 2 fruits at lunch and a Lara Bar as an afternoon snack.  Luckily, that seems to have satisfied that monster and put it to sleep.  In times past, I've gone on a gluten free toast and mashed potato diet to heal from the colitis of a glutening.  I firmly believe my body has healed enough that I won't need to do that.  Tonight is a hot tea night, using this cool mug of a friend.  

Amen!  I have struggled much of my life with self acceptance and love.  I was a former Weight Watchers leader, sometimes leading 16-18 meetings a week, telling people how to lose weight and hopefully keep it off.  I was a size 8-10, having started at a 20/22.  I was SKINNY!  I loved that body, but I didn't know what to do with it.  I have gained back all the 85 pounds I lost, with a few friends.  The difference between then and now (10 years later), I'm older and wiser.  I've done the emotional work I needed to love myself.  Therapy rocks, try it if you think you need it (even if you don't).  I feel pretty much a-ok with my body now hated myself before the weight loss last time.  That was key to me losing and keeping it off.  And the sickness has helped solidify in my mind and heart that this is for life.

I was already a great person, but I wasn't all I could be.  I guess none of us ever really are.  :)  This change is helping me feel more positive, taller, capable, determined, loving, happy...and is allowing me to be well and fit.

It's been a big week full of lots of fun, happiness and adventure.  I got released from the walking boot and put into shoes (had to repair a ligament on my ankle in November).  I spent time with my doc discussing health and the Paleo diet, and she cleared me to do yoga.  I'm currently exploring those opportunities, maybe using www.yogadownload.com.   And like that mug, I'm growing into a greater me!

Here is a dish I threw together after the cooking class.  The oil/vinegar combo is amazing, purchased from Vom Fass at Hamilton Town Center.  The dish is cooked raw shrimp, seasoned with s&p, cayenne and garlic (in ghee).  I tossed with cilantro, cucumber, green pepper, red chili pepper diced, quick sauteed diced shallot (just throw in with shrimp to take the raw bite off), fresh cilantro, lime juice, salt and pepper.  So yummy!  I added avocado but I had some the next day without and liked that one better.  Don't add the shrimp if you're not going to eat it right away.  Citrus cooks seafood.

Okay, that's enough for now.  So much fun is happening, change is good!!!

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

I'll Stand By You...and I'm not pretending

This is one of my favorite songs, I've always loved hearing Chrissie Hynde sing these words.  I've felt a connection to them, and today I figured it out.  Below are the lyrics and my sappy commentary.

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less

This is me singing to me, luckily through Ms. Hynde.  I can get pitch right, but not much else.  ;)  I've been sick for years.  I've been in the dark about what I needed  to do to harness my health and ride into the light.  I've shed tears and even gotten to the point where it did no good to cry anymore.  I've been so sad and anxious I've needed drugs to feel "normal".

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you

I will be my own support, but I am willing to ask for help too.

So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong

I'm so angry sometimes that at age 38 I have the reality that if I don't change, I will become disabled and I will feel like crap all the time.  Why did this happen to me?  Why do I have these multiple illnesses that no one can see?  Why do I have to suffer?  I know, there are such worse things to have, but this is my reality.  This is what I've felt and endured for years straight now.

I'm at my crossroads.  Scratch that, I was and I am now on the path to the right, to wellness.  I am not alone, I have help.  I saw which path I must take, and I took it.

I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

This blog is helping me walk to the light.  My health coach J is helping me traverse this sometimes scary but rewarding path.  My bestie is there for me, cheering me on and nudging me when I admit weakness.  My coworker M.A. is a great sounding board and constant positive influence.  the ladies in a closed Facebook group are there for me, helping to encourage me.

And the chorus repeats, as does this journey.  It is a daily struggle and journey, sometimes momentary.  I am doctor ordered to do this 365 days.  My guess is, I will continue on.  I told M.A yesterday that if I get sick again, it is my own damn fault.  I have no one to blame if I fall back into my old ways, I am lucky that I have a disease that I can treat so easily.  She told me she would happily remind me of that too!  Thank you M.A.!

This song was once one of my favorites.  It has now been placed into my personal anthem column.  As this journey progresses, I will find a more upbeat anthem, but a girl can have more than one.  Right?

Lyrics to I'll Stand by You, The Pretenders

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

Carrots!!!!!!! Where's Bugs? In my kitchen snacking.

I tried making carrot "rice" today, it was more like a hash.  I used a pound or organic rainbow carrots, peeled and grated.  The peels were placed in a freezer bag for veggie broth at a later date.  I chopped an onion and minced 3 cloves of garlic.  A quick saute of the onion in melted ghee, garlic tossed in with a bit of minced red chili.  Seasoned with spices (salt, pepper, Simply Organic all purpose seasoning, parsley and ground mustard.  Stir occasionally and add more ghee if needed.  Cook about 10 minutes.  

I had my lunch with a mini meatloaf, Mexican turkey with chorizo spices.  

I made the following recipe, but with drumsticks (this was dinner and they are yummy):  http://nomnompaleo.com/post/41698330146/whole30-day-28-chile-lime-chicken-wings

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

Stop shoulding and coulding on yourself

"Start offering your "should" police a day off here and there and get ready to meet someone you may never have known." Nancy Colier

My mind has been racing the last day or so, thinking why the hell didn't I try this eating thing in the last 4 years.  I have tried, but not with much success.  I did go gluten free, as soon as I was told to do so.  I thought that was enough.  I worked on counting my carbs to get rid of my diabetes.  That did work for a bit but my body got sick again.  

I feel so great, I could have had this sooner.  I feel so healthy, I could have had that sooner.  I should have eaten healthier sooner.  I would've felt better sooner...

See, once that train of thought is boarded, it takes off down the tracks to negative thinking ville.

So, today I am resolving to look at this differently.  I am doing this, I am feeling great, my body is healing, I am eating amazing food and know every ingredient that goes into it, and I am making changes that are going to last.  If I had tried this right after getting sick in 2011, I likely would not have stuck with it.  I had to experience what I have experienced in order to understand the gravity and weight of these choices.  There had to be a psychic shift in my thinking, which has happened.

In December of 2014, I went to the Cleveland Clinic for diagnostic testing.  I realized that if I was sick enough to go there, I was sick.  That was the big motivator to make changes.  At 38, I did NOT want that life to be my life.  I hopefully have another 40 years or more, I will NOT be sick during those years.  I'll always have to stay vigilant on my food choices, but I will GET better.  I will be healthy.

The article that contains the above quote is here: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/201304/stop-shoulding-yourself-death-0.  Take a few momnts to read it, it might just help you.

Ask yourself, "What do I want?"  Tell yourself, "I am worth not shoulding on myself."

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

Is a broken dishwasher the end of the world?

I know, first world problem.  ; )

Last night I started a load of dishes, I came upstairs to bed with my big cup of herbal tea, and got in bed to chill.  All of a sudden I heard a loud noise, sort of a whirl.  I stopped the washer and restarted.  Noise continued.  I canceled the load and realized that my motor is probably going out.

This is probably the worst time for my washer to break due to the sheer amount of dishes I have as I am preparing everything I eat from scratch.  And this way of eating allows me to eat a lot, and a huge variety of foods.  So, there are lots of dishes.  A couple months ago, I would have cried and been very worried about the $ needed to buy a new dishwasher.  Just a week into this wellness journey (foodwise), I am able to see this differently.  I was able to quickly realize this is just a machine.  A machine that I've relied on to wash my dishes, costing me money in water, electricity, cleaner and additive to prevent water spots.  I have the tools already and they're free.  I did 3 huge loads of dishes today, and was I inconvenienced by the time it took?  A little, but they're prettier than they ever come out in the dishwasher.  I cooked a couple rounds of food today, and everything is clean and put away.  My kitchen looks great!

I used my busted washer as a big drying rack.  ;)  I burned some calories, and I saved some electricity.  It's all about perspective.

The more I am headed into this journey, the more I feel like a new homesteader, but I feel like I've done it before.  Maybe I'm reliving a past life, but it feels right.  I'm nesting, rearranging my rooms, lighting candles, bringing in soft lighting.  I'm feeling the tides turning, the psychic shift happening that will carry me into this new world of wellness.

What have you accomplished today?  We're six days in, time for changes to be rooting and growing.  14 more days and you have a new habits, or habits.

Below are some of the foods I've made, dinner last night and tonight.  I finally made cauliflower "rice" (with cumin, lime and cilantro).  It's pretty darn tasty.  I made salmon last night, yum.  I bought shallots, normally just use onions.  They are really tasty.  Tonight I was not craving meat, so I had a vegetarian Paleo dinner.  That was so satisfying.  I baked a white sweet potato, peeled and chopped.  I pan seared it in the ghee I made today, added some savory spices.  I had a salad on the side with pistachios, blueberries and less than half an orange.  I used a homemade dressing of walnut oil, rosemary balsamic vinegar, s&p, ground mustard and a squidge of lime juice.  So tasty!

I hope you're well on your way, enjoying this journey.  Embrace it baby, you're worth it!

Keep workin’ your plan, you got this! 

Change your environment to change your behaviors

As I was driving into work today, I was listening to NPR.  This story, about heroin addiction in Vietnam soldiers, means about our own addictions,  (linked below) was on as I was warming up my car waiting for the frozen layers to melt off so I could see.  I was listening to this, getting more intrigued as I went on.  This hit me, “We think of ourselves as controlling our behavior, willing our actions into being, but it's not that simple.  It's as if over time, we leave parts of ourselves all around us, which in turn, come to shape who we are.” Alix Spiegel

I just heard a pop fall down into the vending slot, and now I want a Coca Cola.  I’m a Coke addict.  There I said it.  I used to drink 4-6 regular pops a day in high school.  I’ve fought this demon much of my adult life, and I must say I really want one.  I’ve quit, but always gone back to them.  That sound, coupled with the pop of the tab I’ll hear in a minute (if my boss ever decides to open his drink), send a signal to my brain that says, go to the machine.  There it was, I knew he would open it soon.  I so want a pop! 

I have been mulling this over today, wishing I had some mulled cider as it is sooooooo cold in Indianapolis.  I’m feeling firmly entrenched in my food plan, Whole30.  I’m experiencing some detox symptoms, and some cravings, even dreaming about food.  Luckily, I don’t remember what it was I ate in the dream.  I hope these dreams don’t get any more vivid.  The nights are spent cooking right now, trying to learn my rhythm and organizational style of this new life.  I’m creating recipes, trying some I find online, and exploring.  I’m thinking in my mind how I can improve on my daily routine to help me stick to this.  I’m also trying to avoid thinking that I “have” to do this for a whole year.   Yes, I do.  My health, livelihood, depends on it.  Doctors orders.  How many of us have gone to the doctor and been given a prescription for a pill, wishing we didn’t have another copay, let alone the condition that is causing us to pop a pill, or pills, daily.  Here’s what my day looks like, minus the fish oil at home:

I’ve been ordered to eat this way for a year if I want my neuropathy to heal.  I was blown away that a doctor told me to cure myself through food.  A western doctor.  How cool is that?!?!  I do have to do this for a year, but today I just need to do it for today.  So, within a couple months, my picture above will be smaller.  My doctor has assured me that with even 15 pounds gone, I can get rid of some of these.  And in a year, I hope to be off all pharmaceuticals, feeding my body the nutrients it needs from food, and maybe an occasional supplement.  Here is my new medicine cabinet:

So, the environment has to change for us to change.  Dr. Joel Fuhrman once said, “Permanent results only come from permanent changes in diet and lifestyle.”  (Food Matters)  That permanent part is likely what trips us up, why so many don’t keep New Year’s resolutions.  That being said, he is right, you cannot have permanent changes that lead to good health if you half ass your way through life.  Does this mean I, we, will never get to eat potato chip or drink a Coke ever again?  No.  But, I might find after a year I no longer want them in my body.  That’s a hope that will keep me going through this.

Today I realized:

I will slice a lemon up a couple times a week and keep at the office for tea. 

I will cut up veggies twice a week, I’ll get more variety that way

I must keep herbal tea that is Whole30 compliant at work for when water gets boring…

Keep workin’ your plan, you got this! 

http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2015/01/05/371894919/what-heroin-addiction-tells-us-about-changing-bad-habits

We've made it 3 days!!!!!!

Congratulations!  You're working your plan, making small choices that will add up to big results, trying new recipes and foods, eating healthier snacks, working out...so many things.  Congratulations!  Keep telling yourself you're worth it, you deserve this, you're worth it.  Yes, I repeated that worth it part.  Keep remembering that.

I had a deep thought, felt like I was on an old SNL skit, today while cooking.  I did the big WW diet program and lost a lot of weight, in 2004.  I remember feeling like I was in a fish bowl, everything I ate was looked at, scrutinized.  Many people I knew acted threatened by my healthy choices, I didn't know how to handle that then.  I realized today, that many may think I am trying to be better than them, I'm just trying to be better.  I'm trying to be well.

I made The Pioneer Woman's shrimp curry recipe last night, just made it Paleo by using coconut oil instead of butter.  I had half as much shrimp as I needed, so I had extra "broth".  I used that today, combined with a can of pumpkin, homemade broth using veggie scraps and shrimp peels, lime juice, shiracha I always spell this wrong), cayenne, onion and garlic.  I heated it up tonight with freshly peeled shrimp, until they were cooked.  I topped it with freshly torn cilantro.  Yum!!!!!!!!

And, I finally took my public before picture...dun dun dun!!!!!!!!

Keep workin' your plan, you got this!

How do I track my progress

Ok, so this is really small, when it's actually really big (11x17 if you print).  I am still learning this whole blog thing, and will work diligently to get this up as a link.  I've created a year at a glance, as a tool (should you decide to use it) to help you track your days.  Use this however you wish, maybe tracking what you consider your on plan days.  Remember, you can choose your own plan.  An on plan day might be:

Not smoking

Drinking 8+ glasses of water

Working out

Getting 7-8, or more, hours sleep

Cooking your food

Bringing your lunch to work, and eating it

Prepping veggies to nibble on during the week

Not getting food from the vending machine

No pop (soda, Coke, Pepsi...)

Any and all of the above

You see where I am going with this.  You choose what is doable for you now, and I guarantee the more successful days you have, the more you will want to do. Promise.

I am choosing to follow the Whole30 (Paleo) plan in January.  This plan is the closest to what my doctor ordered, and I am using it as a reset.  I'll add in dairy and a few carbs like legumes after, unless I choose at that time not to do so (or my body reacts when I do).  Day one was a success.  Day 2 is starting off stressful (I'm the only one at work and my meat is under cooked), however, I am not going to let this deter me.  My FitBit has chimed my 9 AM  water break, and I listened and sipped.  Sorry...had to take another sip.  See, stress happens.  That doesn't mean we have to eat.  It doesn't need to ruin your day.  Take it in, shrug it off, and keep moving on.  And if you slip, just know you can always reset, that next moment.  Do NOT beat yourself up if you slip a whole day.  Just reset the next possible moment you can.  Have you ever forgotten to take a dose of a prescription?  What do they always tell you?  Don't take two doses, just take the next dose.  That is what this journey is all about.  Don't feel you need to double down, just keep going at what is healthy and achievable for you, and you will win,

Let's try this link, I hope it works. 365 Days To Well Year at a Glance (click on the picture at the top and it will enlarge.  I guess this link isn't working.  Hrmpf!)

Have a great day, you got this!

Meg